


In real life, the princesses don't smile :(:

by Madijo78



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cutting, F/M, Suicide Attempt, Tears, Trigger Warnings, adrien tries, alya is a bitch, beat up, blah, chloe abuses mari, nino is a dog, thoughts on suicide, throwing up, youll find out the gossip later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-04-04 12:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14020131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madijo78/pseuds/Madijo78
Summary: mari loses her parents and her friends. chloe sucks as a person and so does Alya . . will chat noir or Adrien save her in time or will she end it all?





	1. intro

**Author's Note:**

> dont know when ill update next. stick around. tell me how you like it. i put trigger warnings since most of this will have some type of struggle marinette is going through.

I put my hand on my mouth. Covering the sobs that threatened to escaped the cage my mouth became. Tears running down my face, like waterfalls gushing down to meet the flat earth. The only sounds were the tears hitting the floor and my silent cries. The bloody razor laying in my palm; My shoulders, arms, legs, and my hands burned with pain. The blood pooling in small beads, some running a race down my limbs.  
Drip  
Drip  
Drip.  
And then everything escaped. My cries. The screams. The pain and gut-wrenching feeling of nothing in my chest and stomach. I lunged for the trash can emptying out the contents of my stomach. Which was nothing. I was there in my too pink, too happy room, dry heaving, practically throwing up my lungs for i could not breathe. I couldn't feel anything. They were gone. My mama and papa. I wouldn't wake up tomorrow and hear my papa's clanging around as he began his bakery. I wouldn't see my mother smile and become wrapped in her homely sent when I hugged her. I wouldn't even see my home the same anymore.  
Still, in my thoughts, I hurried to the bathroom and started the shower. I stripped of my clothes, avoiding the blood, and hopped into the shower.  
The most relaxing thing I noticed now was how satisfying it was to see the blood tint the water pink and run down the drain. When it ran clear I felt nothing but the sting of when the water hit my cuts.  
Oh the rushes of pain.  
Something worse to take the pain of loneliness away for a short amount of time. The water suddenly ran cold. I had been in too long. Once I had dried myself off and I looked presentable on the outside I began to wrap my cuts. Especially the ones on my hands and shoulders. My backpack would rip the scabs off and I know the blood would seep through my shirt and everyone would know my secret.  
They were gone and I'm pathetic. I had no one. Alya loathes me and hangs out with chloe. The blonde spread lies and alya believed them. She believes what she hears not what she sees. Nino follows alya like a love sick puppy. He's too scared to be alone and alya is the one for him. I could understand. He doesn't want to lose what's important to him. And Adrien, my sweet Adrien. My walls are covered in his face, his smile. We were such good friends before and now he doesn't even look at me.  
Chloe won.  
She always does.  
I shook my head dreading tomorrow. The start of the week. I would have to see them all. Their laughing faces, talking to their friends. They don't know. And they won't know. I made my way to the rooftop, feeling the wind on my face as i stepped out. The lights danced and twittered as i looked out at the city. Paris, city of love my ass. More like city of death. I couldn't face the world right now. My eyes filling with tears, my lungs suffocating. So I climbed down my steps and jumped into bed.  
Sleep was my escape.  
Oh my sweet escape


	2. hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette has to deal with the prissy gang. if youre wondering why marinette wont fight back I honeslty don't know. maybe she will over come her problems? and will Adrien find out her secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't know when ill update again. maybe soon. ive been busy but I will update again soon. hopefully my writing got a little better. I used some help on the punctuation but then again apps and help can be wrong sometimes. if my writing sucks or Is lacking the fire from the intro. sorry just bear with me I'm still learning.

Brightness seeped into my room, the sound of my alarm clock blaring was making my head pound. I reached over and turned it off, checking the time while i was looking.  
‘7:30’ it read.  
I signed and got to my feet beginning to get ready for school. High school was the worst. They say it's the best years of your life but they are wrong…. On so many levels.  
My entire body ached, the pulsing throb beneath my cuts matching my heartbeat, and my head was pounding. I staggered to the bathroom to wash my face and use the restroom. Once i relieved my bladder, i walked back to my room to get dressed. I found a big pink oversized sweater and paired it with black jeans, my watch, and my ballet flats. I put my hair into a half up half down, my pigtail style now gone. I looked into the mirror and stared at myself. The shell I've been living in looked normal, like she never lost her parents nor her friends. But the inside was melting, burning alive in this hell.  
I let out the breath i didn't realize i was hiding. I was tense and expecting everything to go wrong. Maybe I need to end it all. End my living, the bakery, the breaths i waste daily. I shook my head and grabbed my bag, my purse, and a cookie for the trip.  
I started on my way. Step by step. One foot after the other. A breath and another breath. The closer I got to school the more nervous i became. What would a new one of their torments be like next? A snake in my locker? Beating me up at the back of the school?  
I shivered remembering that memory; my back getting a sudden ghost pain from viewing the past. I removed all those stupid memories from my head, and began to walk faster hoping to get a seat in time.  
\------------------------------------time skip… she walks to school. Nothing exciting-----------------------  
I arrived to school, taking a long look at all the kids gathered at the front, sitting on the steps. That used to be me up there; talking to everyone, happy, but that isn't me anymore. I noticed Alya, Chloe, Nino, and Adrien sitting up on the stone railings. My stomach burned and my heart left my chest, i hated feeling like this. Gathering what's left of my fake courage I began to walk up the last couple of squared pavements and next the stairs. I noticed their eyes on me as i walked past them but what i didn't notice was a sudden foot the stuck out in my way. My shins met the stairs and my wrists braced me. The pain that traveled up my arms and down my legs made me feel sick. Under my controlled breaths and my heartbeat in my head I could hear the laughter. The ridicule.  
I didn't care that I was laughed at; they could do it all they want but what i did care about was that Adrien was sitting there just watching me. His eyes trained on something. I followed his eyes to the fallen wraps that revealed my cuts and bruising. His brow furrowed and something in his eyes flickered. I stood up on shaky legs, my stomach feeling like it was about to launch out of me, and shook my hands off adjusting my sweater and my backpack. My bag rubbed against my cuts adding to the pain and shock of falling. I took deep breaths.  
In  
Out  
In  
Out  
Quietly I said,” glad to know your days are going well.” I noticed Chloe glare at me. 

“ What are you doing here peasant?” her high pitch voice rang through the air. Everyone was trying to avoid watching the scene, looking at their phones or looking off into the distance.  
“ I'm going to school. You know where apparently the rest of the peasants go. Why are you here Chloe if this is a peasant school?” i said.  
She was as red as Nathaniel's hair. You could practically see the steam coming out of her ears and Alya was doing nothing about it. But suddenly alya spoke up.  
“ Why are you wearing that god awful sweater? Who bought for you a low life ass?” her hand came onto her hip and Chloe was laughing now. Adrien and Nino just watched. Nino with concern in his eyes. I could feel the blood on my shin running down my leg and into my shoe and i know Nino noticed. Adrien's green eyes stayed on my shoulder now tracing every inch of my body looking for god knows what.  
“ You Alya. Your low life ass of a self bought it for me. Good day now.” i said and started back up the stairs and into the school leaving them to scream and yell behind me. I released my breath i had been holding and started up the next flight of stairs to get to my class. Once inside my class i sat down in the back and tried to fix my wraps that fell. When i felt like they were secured, i covered them back up quickly suddenly thankful that no one was in the room. When the teacher walked in students began to trickle into the classroom and the bell for school to start rang loudly. Chloe sat in the front and Alya, Nino, and Adrien followed closely behind. The Adrien's eyes suddenly met mine and nino had to get his attention before he broke eye contact. Chole in front of Adrien looked back me and smirked. I knew i was fucked.  
Class started and the teacher calmed everyone down from their conversations. “ Class today---” and i blocked her out. I started doodling shirt and outfits, jotting down a couple of notes to make it look like i was paying attention. When the bell rang i packed up my notebook and walked out of the door. “Marinette!” i heard my name called.  
I turned my head seeing Adrien running up behind me. I started walking slower and he finally caught up. “ i noticed that the bakery was closed. Do you think you could make some croissants and i ll pay you double?” his voice was sweet as candy. I thought about it. There didn't appear to be any tricks to it. “Sure. I'll have them done by 10 tonight. If you wanna pick them up you can, unless you want me to bring them to you?” i said.  
“ I can pick them up. That’ll be great thanks!” he then ran off to join his new gang. My next couple of classes went extremely slow. The teachers blahed on and on and luckily the prissy gang wasn't in those classes so i didn't have to deal with their rude jokes. But that didn't stop Chloe from getting Kim and a couple of other guys to beat me up after school. A couple of punches to my face, multiple kicks and upper cuts to my stomach making me hunch over, and one swift kick from Chloe to the ribs surely cracking something. I'm weak. I'm not ladybug anymore. She disappeared when chat noir disappeared and i defeated Hawkmoth alone. I ended up having to give tikki back and another ladybug was chosen in America. god how i miss tikki. I laid there coughing blood onto the concrete, clutching my ribs, and tried to breath. Big mistake. A sudden searing pain went up my side and every breath i took felt like i was going to suffocate to death.  
Chloe and Kim stayed for a minute or two and watched me suffer before walking off. I staggered getting up and grabbing my things and started putting my backpack on my shoulders. I could feel bruises start to form on my face and ribs and i could taste the metallic taste of blood in my mouth. when i made it to the front of the school i began Looking for the nearest trash can. i walked as fast as i could feel the pain in my side and vomited into the bin. The shock of pain finally got to me. I looked up seeing the prissy gang staring at me. Chloe, kim, and alya staring at me with smug faces while Adrien and Nino's faces paled at the sight of me. I didn't know what i looked like and i didn't care. I just wanted to get home, get started on those croissants so Adrien doesn't have to bother me again, and jump off a building.  
After wiping my mouth off with my sleeve and holding my side i started for home.  
Every  
Little  
Step  
Back to the place i now call hell.


	3. the plot thickens with fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette makes adrien his croissants. adrien finally gets hit with the " ive been stupid "stick and realizes his mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i realzied that i kinda needed plot. but then i also realized that this is moving super fast but hey life moves fast sometimes too. especially when your in a tough spot or sometimes it goes slow. right now for me its going slow. so a little bit of tension or fluff? idk. wanted to write some adrienette and in honor of season 2 episodes coming out on netflix!!!!!!!  
> also i fixed the intro. i spaced out everything and it hopefully updated. sorry to the people who had to read the word wall. i will also work on a back story eventually to let everyone understand the whole gist. thanks!!

My side was in excruciating pain. Every breath i made made it feel like i was being set on fire. The looks i got on the streets were a mix of concern, pity, and disgust. Mothers hiding their kids eyes; people looking away or looking straight at me. Their mouths wide open in shock. I didn't know what i looked like and i didn't care. It wasn't my job to please anyone.that is the rest of France’s job. To practically bow on their knees and kiss the mayor and Chloe's ass. I ignored their stares and continued to waddle my way home.   
Quickly enough i could see the bakery and i attempted to walk faster; of course that was ruined by my side. I knew something was broken and it didn't help at all that Chloe insisted on wearing heels on a daily basis. Just thinking about Chloe made me sick. Rage fueled inside of me and i used that rage and anger to make my way to the door and unlocked it. Everything was bottled up once i took a look inside. The empty bakery. My mama wasn't there singing along and conversing with customers. I can hear my Papas clanging in the kitchen;whistling and bumping into things. But that's not what was in front of me. Nothing sat in the sink, darkness overcame the store and the life was gone. The shimmer of love and hope was gone. Everything was gone.   
I tried swallowing the lump in m y throat but it only caused it to burn even more. Oh how i missed them. I could feel a stray tear leak out and run down my face. I let out a shaky breath and closed the door behind me. Sitting my stuff down i waddled over to the downstairs bathroom. Blood ran down my eyebrow, my nose and my mouth and i quickly wiped it off. I could see bruising starting to form on my cheek, side of my head, and my eye. My face was pale from the pain and loss of blood and my hands were shaky. Taking off my sweater i caught sight of the nasty bruises on my side and my torso and i knew these were going to take a while to heal. I searched through the medicine cabinet and found the wrapping. Being extremely gentle i began to wrap my torso up in the wrap. When i felt it was on good enough, i slowly moved to the kitchen to begin on adriens croissants.   
Slowly but steady.  
Slowly but steady.  
Slowly but -it was taking a long time.  
I had till 10 to make the croissants and i felt like i had nothing done when i popped them into the oven. I plopped myself into the chair of the dining room and noticed how quiet the bakery was. It felt as if time stood still and nothing was happening. I could hear the cars and bicycle bells outside. The pedestrians yelling loud curses at the citizens of paris. But i heard nothing but the quiet hum of the oven and ticking of the timer. It was all quiet. There was no life, no noise, nothing. Just nothing.  
And that's how i felt.  
Like i was nothing. I was meant to belong in the trash and never be taken out. To just sit there and rot like an old banana peel-used. I took a deep breath and heaved myself out of the chair. I needed to get out of my thoughts but that was useless. My thoughts never stopped running races in my mind. Skipping along going places I've never been. I made my way upstairs to change clothes and start on homework, wanting to get everything finished before adrien got here. I decided to change into a long sleeve and long pants. They flowed against my ankles and i could feel the wind through my long sleeve. Swiftly i made my way back downstairs when the timer went off.  
It was only 9:26.  
I was done early.  
I took the croissants out of the oven and placed them on a rack to cool before nicely sitting all 12 of the croissants in the box. I smiled at the signature at the bottom of the box. My Mama and Papas signatures marking it their famous pastries and their entire life. But sadly their's ended early and i'm left alone in an empty bakery and an even emptier life.   
The doorbell rang suddenly and i jumped losing my train of thought. I opened the door to the bakery, the bell at the top of the door making a nice jingle noise, and there Adrien stood. His blonde hair was perfectly tousled making it look shaggy yet precise. He changed had changed into a black shirt and jeans instead of his striped shirt and jeans. The shirt made him look nice all over. His biceps bulged against the shirt and his broad shoulder made him look intimidating. I met his piercing green eyes and i knew he had caught me staring. “Shit!” i thought.  
If he told Chloe i pracatically eye fucked him, id be buried alive. Instead, i kept my cool and smiled.   
“Hey Adrien! Right on time.”  
i moved out of his way to let him in and he surveyed the entrance as i shut the door behind him. I made my way to the kitchen to grab his box of croissants and Adrien followed.   
“Where's your parents?” he asked, his brow furrowed and something flashed in his eyes again. That same look yet i couldn't place.   
“On a trip.” i stated “why?”  
“Oh just wondering. It's quiet in here now.” Adrien moved closer to me and my heart felt like it was jumping off diving boards. I was against the wall. How i ended up here i didn't know. It felt like i time skipped and everything was moving fast. I could feel the heat off of Adrien radiating and i could smell his body wash.   
Mint with leather.   
Intoxicating.  
I could feel his eyes looking at every bruise, cut, and scrape on my face. His eyes darkened as they traveled down my neck to the certain spot he looked at earlier today. He slowly and carefully brought his hand up and i flinched getting ready for him to hit me. Maybe Chloe put him up to it or paid him.  
But instead he moved my long sleeve out of the way exposing my bloody wraps, being very gently like i was going to break. And i felt like i was. Like i was   
Just   
Breaking  
Away  
Into small bits and pieces as my heart raced and my stomach dropped. It was too soon for anyone to find out and he did. He found out one of the many secrets i didn't want exposed. I could feel my throat burn and the blood drain from my face. What would he tell Chloe or his friends.  
That im pathetic?   
I can't fight back?  
I'm a helpless teenager?   
Maybe he was Chloe's minion seeking a new weakness because she stopped paying her comeback-orator.  
I could feel him let a harsh breath and i could feel his hands shaking.   
“Why?” he asked, his voice was quiet, controlled… angered.   
I swallowed loudly. It practically echoed in the kitchen.  
“It feels good. Pain overcomes the endless torture i go through…” i whispered, not trusting my voice enough to speak louder. His chest collapses but nothing comes out. “ im sorry. I so sorry and saying those words don't help anything that you've been through. Chloe went off the deep end and i was too scared of messing up my reputation.” he says.  
His eyes hold the most pain as he reaches for my arms and pulls up the sleeves. The crisscrosses. The deep ones. The small ones that caused the most pain. The bruises. “ i’m tired of Chloe. Of her bullshit. Of alya. I'm tired of the fact that the school bows to her every will. And i'm am extremely tired of seeing you get beat up. Today was awful and i realized i never see you directly after but did today and that.” he stops to breath.” that was the most sickening thing i have ever seen in my entire life”   
He's so close to me. No space is between us just clothes. I'm shaking.  
I'm terrified  
Scared of what will happen next in my life. It has only been 2 years that i lost all my friends and the torture started but it has only been 8 months since mama and papa died.and It feels like yesterday… i can't trust anyone. I won't let myself go through the pain again.   
“Why now?” i asked.   
He looked at me. Not at my face. At the scars. Into my eyes. He saw through my soul but i couldn't give him the reward that i let him in . “Because i saw you.” he lets up off of the wall and puts miles of space between us grabbing the box of croissants and heading for the door. I could do nothing but watch as he stopped before opening the door.  
“I'll see you tomorrow.”   
And he left taking my breath away. I am holding on for dear life, suffocating in the deep sea, and maybe he's the beginning of my anchor.


	4. feelings dont matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette goes to school and has to do a project

I lay awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling as I'm lost in thought. Dreadful memories make their way back into my head as silent tears leak onto my cheeks. Their faces.  
The men.   
My parents.  
Pain.  
The doorbell rings and i hear my father's running footstep, hurrying to open the door. The man's voice sounds panicked yet controlled and another man spoke telling me there was two men. I noticed from my place on the top of the stairwell that one man did more talking than the other, yet he seemed anxious and was nodding along with everything the other said.  
Something wasn't right.   
Getting up from my place on the stairs i walk carefully down the stairs and meet up right next to my parents.   
“ i lost my kid and i can't find him. ” the man pointed to the thin man next to him " goop here has been helping me try to find him. I thought he would stop here since its food and you all look like such a happy couple.” he said.  
His brown hair was shaggy and out of control unlike his friend. His hair was a dark brown almost resembling black. Both of them wore jeans and a hoodie and kept their hands in their pockets.   
“ We haven't seen any kid around here and no one has stopped by here at all. I'm sorry,” my mama said. The men both nodded and suddenly pulled out two guns, one for each of them. The brown hair man motioned for us to move and we obeyed. Stomachs dropping as he walked in and shut the door.  
My alarm jarred me from my thoughts and i slowly sat up, placing my feet on the floor. Every breath i took felt like i was suffocating yet i had to persist to get through the day. I walked to the bathroom to rewrap the wrappings around my ribs and to fix the ones over my cuts again. Taking a look in the mirror i noticed my black left eye and multiple bruises on my face making me look dead.  
I wish.  
Is this what Adrien saw yesterday? What did he mean by he saw me? Why now?  
My heart began racing at the thought of Adrien and i jumped slowly walking out of the bathroom. I shocked myself with these feelings; I hadn't felt these in a long time and i didn't want to. Getting through life's easier with being numb and distant.   
His eyes held understanding and pain and the way he was close made me feel warm. I shivered and quickly became disgusted with myself.   
I.  
Can't   
Feel  
Anything. Not anymore. Feelings get in the way and make messes. Like spilled milk.   
Getting out of my head i began to get ready for school. In a big black hoodie with dark blue jeans and my black vans, i picked up my bag not trusting my ribs and carried it all the way to school.   
\---------------------------------------------walking to school with broken ribs la di totally don't know what actual broken ribs feel like but i know it hurts aloooooot  
I stopped just outside of school, my arms aching from carrying my backpack, and my stomach sick expecting the worst for today. Seeing Adrien made my heart race and i had to mentally prepare myself for it.   
Don't fall for him.  
Don't fall for him  
Don't fall for him  
And out of the corner of my eye i spotted Chloe and her gang and of course trailing behind was Adrien. Him in all his hot ass glory.  
Dammit i fell.   
Hard.  
Time stopped and he smiled at me. Heart in my throat, i looked down and began taking my finger nail and scraping my skin. One scratch. Two.   
The bell rang and class started.   
“Today we are pairing up and creating a poster on cat noir. I expect pictures from Alya blog and facts. This will be due in two months. I'm giving you a long time to do this because i want these to look great. Okay, now for the partners…” the teacher went down the list until i heard my name called “ Marinette Dupain Cheng and Adrien Agreste!” My heart went up in my throat and i notice Adrien look back at me. Chloe and Alya began laughing and looked back at me and then at Adiren. When the teacher told us to move, Adrien came back to sit with me rather than i sit up front with the barbie gang.  
“You excited?” Adrien asked as he sat down in the empty seat next to me. I raised my eyebrow “ do i look excited?”   
He chuckled. “No, but you had a happy gleam when i was walking over here,” he said. I felt blood rush to my cheeks and quickly began to busy myself with the assignment as he laughed. We talked about the assignment deciding on just doing a simple poster and i noticed Chloe looking back at us on multiple occasions.a glare.   
“Chloe keeps looking back at us. Is there something i need to expect after school?” i asked  
He stopped with the sketch he was doing and looked over to Chloe's seat seeing how she turned around to look at us.   
“I don't know. She doesn't keep me in the loop anymore but Nino may know. If she does plan something i'll be there to try to stop it,” he paused. “ i won't let her hurt you again Marinette. I've sat and watched long enough and she needs to be stopped.”   
I smiled at his comment knowing it wouldn't be kept long. He could try to stop her torture but it won't work.   
“It won't work Adrien. She finds a way. Don't say a promise you can't keep.”   
As i finished my sentence the bell rang for class switch. “Marinette!” Adrien caught my arm and i flinched. The burning sensation went down my arm making me sick for a minute. “Can i come over today?”   
I nodded and he smiled like i gave him a present. The rest of the school day went by in slow motion and by the end of the day i wanted to sleep. Sleep for eternity.   
I walked down the steps of the school and started walking towards the bakery.   
“Marinette!” i turned around to quickly and my ribs felt it. I tried to breathe as best as i could while Adrien ran up to me. “ Want to go ahead and get the poster--”   
Adrien's phone went off and he picked it up. I noticed the black stare that came onto his face and the way his shoulders sunk in. his entire demeanor changed. Cold.  
Empty.  
Broken.  
He signed and looked at me in a way that said “im sorry.” nodding i smiled and he turned back to run away to his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter was late. kinda had a writers block and i have no time to write anymore this week since ill be in virginia for a airsoft game. i felt like this lacked the pop the other chapters did but its some plot ig...


	5. sorry

My ribs healed over the month. My arms scarred and broken as well as my hope. I couldn't live anymore. The torture i went through. Adrien's help of protecting me didn't work when they would catch me on the days he was at a photoshoot.  
“ Do like that huh?” Kim yelled as he punched my nose. I cried out in pain as blood gushed from my nose and ran down my lips. Punches and kicks landed on my stomach making me bend over, punches to my face, and even a couple of punches to my back causing pain all over. I couldn't get out of the situation.  
I could hear Chloe's menacing laugh.”  
Look at you Marinette getting close to MY boyfriend!!” She said.  
I looked up. “ He's not yours. you're not even dating him.”  
I spit blood out of my mouth onto the ground and watched as it flattened onto the concrete.  
“ Not mine? He IS mine! My adrikins! I've seen the way he looks at you and I don't like it,” Chloe said as Kim landed another punch and they all walked away. Alya looked back at me a look in her eyes.  
I snarled.  
Why is she getting this look now?  
Why did she turn against me? Our friendship was inseparable. She practically lived at my house and i practically lived at hers.  
“Oh come on!” alya exclaimed. “ i need to know what the bra and panties look like. We are going to a club i wanna see how cute they are!!”  
i signed. I was standing in the dressing room looking at myself in the mirror. The set was cute. It was red with black lace lining the bottom and a little bow in the middle of it. The bottoms were red as well with black lace as a cover. The red a background color.  
If i wasn't so self conscious about the scars on my body, i would wear the tank top dress Alya wanted me to wear.  
Switching on the camera i snapped a couple of good pictures avoiding my arms and having to stand far away enough so you couldn't see my scars.  
“ Looks great! Can't wait to party!” Alya sent back.  
I chuckled and changed into my normal clothes purchasing the set and leaving.  
I woke up the next morning. My head pounding.  
One  
Two  
One  
Two  
My eyes hurt and my throat felt awful. I shouldn't have stayed out that late with Alya. I got up and decided to shower and get dressed. Tylenol didn't work with me so i would have to suffer the day feeling like shit. Grabbing my bag and phone i headed to school to meet up with alya.  
When i arrived, no one was there.  
“ That is weird. Alyas usually hear before me.”  
Marching up the steps to the school i walked into the main entrance, taking in the smelly corridors and the pictures strung up onto the walls.  
Me.  
In a red set.  
All over the school.  
Laughter, ridicule, my heart in my throat was what i felt in my bones. I walked over and ripped on of these pictures down. The only person who i sent these to was--  
“ haha, wow Marinette. What a slut you are! And to think you actually thought you looked good. Right Alya?” Chloe strode over.  
Alya had a smug look on her face. Her usual nice, friendly mood was replaced with power and repulse. She nodded. I felt betrayed.  
Ugly.  
Alone.  
Why?  
I stood there in the hallway holding the picture in one hand and my mouth open. Tear threatened to fall but i held them. I wouldn't be weak even if i had just been stabbed. That is until Adrien walked in and looked at the pictures ripping one down as i had.  
He looked at me. Look at alya and Chloe. Alya standing next to Chloe.  
“ What the fuck?! Chloe!! Alya!!” Adrien yelled. Anger was laced in every word.  
“ She deserves it adrikins! She's so ugly and pathetic. Just look at her! She wears pigtails like she's in second grade. Her style is so ugly and boring and her face! She doesn't deserve to be living; she should be dead”  
By then i was crying. They were leaking down my face and dropping onto the ground taking my heart with them.  
Alya spoke up. “ And get this Adrien, Marinette has a huge crush on you. Your pictures are all over her walls, even your schedule! She's such a stalker. She claims her shrine is for inspiration since she says Gabriel Agreste is her hero but we all know she likes you and stalks you.”  
I wanted to throw up.  
Adrien looked at me and i looked down. “Is this true” he asked.  
I nodded.  
“I just wanted to get to know you,” my voice cracked. Holding in sobs was painful. “ i was happy with being friends. And it is for inspiration. I look at things in the pictures and i suddenly get ideas for design.” i wasn't fully lying.  
Adrien had a blank stare and i looked at my feet.  
More of my heart hit the floor.  
“ Alya, Chloe. Why? What's the point of this?” he whispered.  
Chloe and alya laughed. Laughed till they were holding their sides. It felt like someone was taking a knife to my head.  
“ She needs to be put in her place,” alya said.  
I looked at alya. My best friend.  
Now gone.  
I looked at Chloe. And i looked at Adrien. I couldn't tell what the look in his eyes was.  
Chloe.  
She got what she wanted.  
And i ran.

I walked to the bakery that i lived in. the memories were more painful than the bruises on my face. When i got to the bakery, i opened the door and headed up to the balcony.  
The air hit my face, rushing through my hair, and running races in my veins. It was dark now. The lights decorated the city. How did time go by so fast? I needed to get higher.  
Running back down the stairs i ran to the Eiffel Tower. Not taking in the sights, the birds, the life. Climbing the stairs, my heart racing and my head pounding, i ran to the top. Luckily, no one was there. Hopping onto the edge i stood there. Looked down below and out into the distance.  
“I'm putting her in her place.”  
“She's better off dead”  
“ how could he like you?!”  
Everything hit me. Tears poured down like rain. My sobs like thunder, booming. I belonged in the ground. I had no point in life. I balanced on one foot, watching as the foot over the ledge walk over the city. The city that ruined my life.  
And i jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update. with finals and eocs i kinda lost interest. and im not looking forward to the summer this year. or any year for the next 4 years. but i hope you liked the flashbacked on why marinette lost alya to chloe. well not the whole reason but what marinette knows.


	6. falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette meets chat noir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter. ive been dealing with stuff . hopeyou like tho

At one moment I was falling. A large amount of oxygen filling my lungs with every breath, my feet walking on air; I felt free.  
Next, I was jerked to the side, large arms holding me and a breath at my neck. I could feel the heart racing extremely fast and the harsh mumbles under the breath. After what felt like hours, my feet landed on solid ground.  
“ Are you okay?! Are you hurt?” the deep voice said.  
I turned around and my breath left me. There he stood, chat noir, in his leather suit, muscles outlined and cut. He looked like a model. His face was pale, like everything drained from his face and I could see his entire body shake.  
When did he get so large?  
And hot?  
“I'm fine,” I said. My monotone voice made him step closer. “I thought you disappeared when you and ladybug took down hawkmoth.”  
he released a breath.  
“ Ladybug disappeared. I'm just good at hiding. Now, tell me this, Why were you up there?”  
I chuckled and the walls released. The tears I managed to get rid of came back and I sank to the floor. I held my heart, it hurt like a bitch. The pain, the unimaginable pain hit me. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around me. “You meant to jump off didn't you?” his voice cracked and I looked up. He was holding back tears.  
“I'm done with life. I'm done with everything. My parents are dead. Chloe took all my friends away and abuses me. I have nothing chat. You should've let me die.” I buried my head in the ground.  
“Your parents are dead?” he asked.  
I nodded.  
“They were murdered. Don't tell the police. They won't have much luck finding the killers when they are already dead. I've been alone for a while and I can't tell anyone because I have no one.”  
“How do you eat? Get money? How have has the bank not figured out?”  
I let out a harsh breath  
“.i don't. I think I have a savings account for college that I am using to pay off the bakery. I don't know about that either,” I said.  
“What happened to your face?” he asked. He brought his hand up to my face to gently brush a stray hair away.  
“Chloe, Alya, and Kim. Well, mostly Kim. Chloe and Alya just looked at me and trashed talked me. Look I need to go… I've got to stuff to deal with. Thanks for saving my life even if it means nothing.”  
“ What's your name? No, they deserve to pay.” chat said. He held out his hand and opened his baton.  
“ Marinette.” he smiled a bright smile and I grabbed his hand. Holding me tight he launched us to my rooftop and we landed softly. “How did you know where I lived?” I asked.  
“I used to see you standing outside and water your plants at night when I was on patrol. And you also helped me with the evillistator.”  
I nodded.” thanks chat noir. It was good seeing you. Will you come back?”  
He jumped onto the railing and turned back. “ Definitely Marinette.” and he vanished into the darkness. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
I didn't want to go back to school. No one knew what went down over the weekend and word that chat noir was back hadn't gotten around. I wasn't going to say anything but why was he back?  
Why now?  
It has been so long. Way too long since ladybug and chat noir fought their battle with hawkmoth... Since they were seen together…  
I shook my head. I Can't think about that now, I have hidden that part of my life deep in my brain and I don't need to bring it back. Taking a deep breath I prepared to exit my home, grabbing my bag and my shoes and walking out of the door. I ran to school barely making it to homeroom in time.  
“I shouldn't have stopped to look at the flowers…” I said under my breath as I started towards my seat. Adrien sat in the spot next to me and I gave him a confusing glance.  
“ What a surprise Adrien. Why are you sitting here?” I asked. I glanced into his eyes and something flickered in them but quickly left.  
“ What happened to your face?” anger laced his brows. I shook my head.  
“ Don't worry about it. Now, why are you sitting here and not with your groupies today?” I nodded over to the glaring Chloe, miserable Nino, and the nail painting Alya along with Kim and others.  
“ Because I don't want to. What happened?” he dodged.  
“ Kim got to me and Chloe was doing her normal ridicule routine. I had to wobble home and ended up going to bed as soon as I got home.” I lied about the last part. Adrien looked like he didn't believe me and I wouldn't believe myself either.  
“ How was your night?” I quickly changed the subject.  
He smiled softly and a look his face. He looked dazed and his eyes shone. “ It was an event,” he simply said. And class started.


	7. park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new chapter!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter!! i have a couple of poems i have written... well they are more like short stories that are in stanzas like poems yet they dont rhyme.... yeah i dont know what they are but i have them and if you guys wanted to read some of them i would make a work for them and put them on here... idk... let me know in the comments

The crowd roared outside as we walked out of hawkmoths lair. Smiles lined our faces as we looked into the distance of Paris as the pink magic fixed every knocked down tree and burning objects.  
“We did it,”I said to chat. Worry and pain flashed through his eyes but quickly went away as he smiled. It didn't reach his eyes. “ Hey, are you okay?” I asked but suddenly reporters and fans bombarded us asking questions and overlapping each other to get our attention. Our charms began beeping and we quickly scattered to find hiding spots. I hid in an alley beside a dumpster but something felt off as I de-transformed. Where the earrings sat in my ears they began burning and I ripped them out of my ears as a pink light surrounded me and my clothes replaced my suit. “ Ahh, what's going on?!” I cried. As the lighting went down, I couldn't find tiki anywhere.  
“ Tikki!”  
...............................................................................................................................  
I sat up from my bed drenched in sweat and practically dry heaving.  
No  
No  
No.  
No more of those memories. I kept them hidden for so long not to have them drug up in my sleep. On shaking legs I sat up and walked downstairs for a glass of water. The wood creaked under my feet as I made my way through the cabinets for a glass and turned on the faucet. A knocking on the door made me jump and spill water all over my pajamas.  
Adrien stood behind the door, fist in the air, and coffee in hand. He took a look at my sodden clothes and an apologetic look crossed his face.  
“ Sorry, Mari. I guess you don't like surprises,” he said, “I just wanted to stop by to see if you would come to the park with me?”  
I nodded and moved to let him in.  
“ Let me get changed real quick.” I dashed up the stairs.  
I looked around at my closet for something quick to put on and cover my body. Grabbing a flannel and jeans I scurried to put them on, grabbing my flats and pulling my hair up into a bun. Once I looked presentable in the mirror, I calmly ran down the stairs to meet a smiling Adrien.  
“ So the park? Any plans?”  
“ Yes the park,” he said. He opened the door for me and as we walked through; the bell jingled as it closed. “And, I have plans with the brave Marinette to go for a walk.”  
He was extremely giddy.  
Happy.  
It was a great look on him.  
Conversation with Adrien flowed so well it’s Like we already knew each other before. By the time we finished discussing our favorite flavor of the jelly bean, we were walking down the steps to the park. Kids were running around, parents chasing after them, and Adrien's green eyes shone brighter than I had ever seen them.  
He looked at peace.  
“So what does Mr. model do in his free time?” I asked. He chuckled.  
“ Oh, nothing. Basketball. Video Games. The boring guy stuff.”  
“ So no going to luxury strip clubs? Chloe escorting you and clawing every girl- or guy- who wants you?” I wiggled my eyebrows around. He threw his head back and laughed.  
He wiped away tears.  
“Haha no. Chloe has invited me but father said it was bad for reputation. I would also never do something like that. Nino would, but I don't like those places.”  
“ Alya tried to get me to go to one but I declined. I don't like those places either and I have too much to worry about to party.”  
We slowed when we came upon a curb and moved out of the way when I biker passed by us.  
“Worry about? You have the house to yourself! You can go anywhere you want, eat whatever you want… you're free.” we stopped walking.  
“ It gets boring after a while. It doesn't stay a luxury. It,”I took in a deep breath and started walking again. “ It becomes something you want to escape eventually. You know the pressure, it builds up until it suddenly explodes and that freedom is something you can't run from. You will want order and when you can't, you have to control the beast that is inside of you that wants to run free.”  
It suddenly went quiet and I wish I hadn't said anything. “ Nevermind I'm just rambling,” I said.  
I noticed the sun was beginning to set.  
Where did time go?  
“No, it's okay. That sounded poetic,” Adrien spoke softly.  
“ It's getting dark I should get back to the bakery.”  
“ I'll walk you home,” Adrien offered and I shook my head. “ No, it's okay your driver is here anyway.”  
I pointed at the limo pulling up at the entrance. I watched as Adrien headed for the limo and got in, waving a quick goodbye as they drove off.  
The limo went off into the distance and I smiled to myself.  
I was actually happy today.  
//////////////////////////////////////////////////  
I opened the door to the bakery and locked it as i closed it shut. It was quiet in the bakery except for the clock ticking.  
And tocking  
And ticking  
And tocking  
That amazing clock destroying the void of pure silence.  
And God was I thankful for that.


	8. sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marinette goes off the deep end after everything sets her off.

“Okay, do we want to do red or black for the poster?” Adrien asked, his hands laying on two different colors of poster board as he looked at me with a questionable look. My mind went back to that night where cat noir ‘saved’ me from the Eiffel tower. I sat up and grabbed the bright lime green poster board underneath the pink and held it up.  
“ How about green?”  
He smiled and nodded and we returned to our seats.  
“Have you ever met cat noir?” I asked. Mostly everyone has in their lifetime but Adrien never was accumatized from my memory. A panic looked crossed his eyes but quickly fled.  
“Yeah a couple of times.he's pretty cool to be around. How about you? You met cat noir or ladybug?” he leaned in on his hand, looking overly interested. I chuckled.  
“I have met them both. Ladybug is a great uplifting person to talk to and chat noir- Well he’s a flirt. He does flirt nonstop and has really bad funny puns but he's a good person in the end.”  
Adrien scoffed. “ Bad funny puns? I thought they were GOOD funny puns!”  
I gave Adrien a disbelieving look. “ He uses the same ones over and over again sometimes. They get old. What does he get his jokes and puns from? Jokes and puns for dummies limited edition? Craigslist?” Adrien shook his head, mouth open, and hands in the air.  
“ No, no, no. they are genius and funny. He knows how to make tough times fun. He's the life of the party. And jokes and puns for dummies is the best book out there!” he argued.  
“You could buy a bargain book from McKay's titled JOKES FOR KIDS and get better jokes! For less!” I started laughing.  
Why am I laughing?  
Why am I enjoying arguing with Adrien about jokes?  
“I don't want to hear it,” Adrien said and childishly turned around in his seat, his back facing me. I raised my hands bringing them closer to his ribs..  
And closer  
And closer  
I could feel the heat from his skin through his clothes as I began to tickle Adrien. A hearty laugh was released into the air from Adrien as he squirmed and squealed while I tickled him.

“MARINETTE! ADRIEN! NO HORSE PLAYING! OR TOUCHING! WE GET ENOUGH PDA IN THE JANITORS CLOSET AND THE HALLWAYS!” the teacher called. Red-faced and embarrassed we moved back properly into our seats ignoring the piercing glares from Chloe and the judgy looks from the class. Adrien noticed the glares coming from Chloe and we both knew what was coming later.  
I was going to pay for being happy.  
I couldn't let myself be happy anymore or the pain would hurt worse. The pain would hit me all in one go and I'm afraid it would set me off.  
I would end up on the Eiffel tower, double checking that cat noir wouldn't save me.  
Adrien noticed my mood change and leaned over the poster board on my side and drew a smiley face with his pencil.  
I smiled a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes but I was thankful that he was trying.  
It wasn't going to work.  
////////////////////////////////  
I lost Adrien in the leaving- school- rush hour and I didn't know where he was. I was vulnerable and at the back of the school waiting for him. Of course, Chloe and her minions took advantage of that. While Kim and Nino held my arms, I watched as Alya took my poster board and ripped it into tiny pieces shoving it into the overfilled dumpster.  
“ Aw, Marinette isn't protected by MY boyfriend. You guys have been getting close lately and I don't like it!” Chloe roared. I noticed the lingering students scurry away, not bothering to help me.  
They never did.  
Kim let go of one of my arms and moved around to be in front of me. Alya grabbed my free arm in a vice grip and Kim let loose.  
One punch.  
My nose gushed with blood.  
Two punches.  
And I felt my lip bust with blood, the taste metallic and disturbing in my mouth.  
More punches to my stomach and chest knocking the wind out of me as I struggled to inhale. Punch and kick and kick and punch ruined my body as they mutilated it with Chloe's words and Kim's punches. My once best friends holding my arms watching as I suffered and took the pain.  
I knew the bruising on my face was going to be bad but with the strength and force, Kim was putting into his throws Chloe must have asked him to do a fuck ton amount of damage.  
“ how does it feel to be weak! To be nothing! Just like your parents and your stupid bakery. I could put it out of business and I actually will. You deserve nothing. So enjoy your last week at home and start packing. You're out!” Chloe yelled. Kim threw his last punch right to the corner of my jaw.  
The right spot.  
And everything went black.  
///////////////////////////////////////////  
The concrete was cold underneath me. Where was Adrien? He didn't go looking for me? Tears streaked my face as I struggled to lift myself up. As I wobbled on my legs I grabbed my strewn bag and began my walk home. It was dark now.  
How long had I been out?  
Noticing from the awful smell, Kim must've hidden me behind the dumpster and I moved from behind it and walked to the front of the school where the sidewalk was located. The light posts lit up the street, and out into the distance, the Eiffel tower was bright. I headed in that direction, my backpack merely a lump weight on my tense shoulders.  
Every step was painful.  
Every breath was like a stabbing knife to my lungs.  
But it felt so good.  
The pain. Oh the pain, how I missed it. Nothing in my life stays for long, like happiness, it sticks its middle finger up as it leaves. My parents were taken from me. Chloe taking the bakery. Even though I didn't consider it to be my home anymore, I still remember the memories.  
I can't trust anyone anymore.  
Painfully I climbed the stairs to the top of the Eiffel tower. The stars lined the sky and the lights glittered. A beautiful sight it was but a deadly sight as well. Tricking you into thinking it was perfect when it held so many secrets and so much pain.  
I looked into the distance for the black blur that was named chat noir. He was nowhere to be seen and I smiled. I predicted this. The pain. The urge to end it all and it was stronger than ever.  
The memories flooded my mind.

 

 _I ran back upstairs to my parent's room. The first gunshot went off and my mothers cry pierced the air and I hurried my motions. Running to the nightstand I yanked the drawer open and pulled the gun out. Papa had taught me to shoot it a while back and I knew how to work it. Making sure it was loaded I sneaked up to the banister, hiding behind the darkness of the bars. I noticed my mother on the ground, a bullet wound to her forehead and blood surrounded her. In the blink of an eye, my father went down. One to his chest._  
_Another to his forehead._  
_My hands were shaking as I aimed and kept my pointer finger on the trigger. The gun sat in the darkness between the bars; a clean shot_ on _the man named goop._  
_The sound of it going off deafened my ears and I smiled to myself as he dropped dead._  
_Headshot._  
_The other man, the leader, looked around not yet seeing me and I shot three times. One in the chest. The other missing him and lodging itself into the wall. The other going straight through his throat. I made my way down the stairs, gun still trained on him, and watched as he screamed through the blood that gurgled its way out of his mouth. I pulled the trigger again and it went through his heart._  
_He dropped._  
_I threw the gun far away from me, now afraid. My entire body shook as the shock set in. a scream tore through my throat and the sobs wracked my frame._  
_“ Mama! Papa!,” I cried.” NO!”_  
_I was afraid to touch my parents_ but i _knew I had to get rid of them. Running upstairs I grabbed several blankets and almost tripped down the stairs as I scurried throughout the house. It took three to cover my papa. Two to cover my mama. And four in total to cover the sick sons of bitches who killed my parents. It was night time and no one would be out to notice as I loaded their heavy bodies into the truck. My father was very heavy and I could barely lift him into it but with the help of the side of the truck, I rolled him into it. I was sobbing by now. Dry heaving as I sucked in breaths. I started the car and headed to the bridge._  
_No one would be here._  
_Parking in the darkness I tied their feet with the heaving brick and rope I had grabbed from the basement. I struggled to drag their heavy bodies into the river but managed and watched and the murders sank and my favorite people in the world went down into the dark hole._  
_I looked around to see if anyone saw and I saw nothing as I glanced at the lit up street._  
_When_ I _returned home, I threw up. The contents of my stomach entering the toilet and I flushed it. I had to clean._

 

 

I could smell the smell of bleach in the air and it made me sick. They were gone. Alya was gone. Nino was gone. And Adrien, well, he was gone too. Maybe it was his sick game to get me to like him- to trust him- and stab me in the back. I sent Adrien a text and wrote a letter, sitting it on my bag and put a pot on it to keep it in place. another was written to chat noir, putting in a spot I knew only he could find. it explained myself as the ladybug and thanking him for being a great friend.  
Jumping onto the ledge I looked out into the distance for the last time to see if chat noir was near. He wasn't. Tears dripped down my face, falling into the air, and I looked down.  
“I love you.”  
And I jumped, falling fast into the air, and I watched as my life passed by my eyes and the ground got closer.  
And closer  
suddenly a bright pink light flashed.  
And everything went dark.


End file.
